oh, how many times i have tried to pray, and been distracted my FLESH and life? MORE than i could ever count. He loves me anyway. how may times have i tried to read a devotional, or my Bible? while fighting my eyes from closing, and the distractions of wandering thoughts? a MILLION times. He loves me anyway. upon a friend's advice, i agreed (FINALLY) to awaken before my children to spend time with God. but, my children become a distraction....they awaken WAY before they usually do, when do a quiet time (because i am not going to act like i do this every day) asking for milk, waffles, cereal bars....the whining will begin and i get so frustrated that i stop my "quiet time" and go ahead and begin the day. irritated. Lord, why am I doing this? why am i trying to be with you when you and i BOTH know that something will stop me?
for example, this morning. the dog awakened me with his little squeals from his kennel. he wanted to go outside. i looked at my watch...5:45. OK, well, i feel pretty awake. i will do my quiet time! so, i put him in his kennel and tried to start my reading.....squeal!...squeal...! this went on until i decided to take him out and HOPED he would sit with me. well, he sat with me but continued to BITE me with those little razor sharp teeth, wanting to play! it hurt! and left me angry at him. i flicked him on the nose and said, OK you are out of here! and i put him unhappily back in his kennel, only for my finger to get a real grazing from one of his sharp little "fangs"! UGGGGG! a distraction. once again. the kids will somehow HEAR in their deepest of sleep, the pecking at my computer keys, and come right in and "waller" all over me. i will say, "i am spending time with the Lord" and it will not matter, they want me and i do not feel like disciplining them while i am supposed to be HAVING A QUIET TIME!
a few minutes ago while i was reading the psalm 121 a freakin MOSQUITO came over and bit me! like my friend says, "you can't make this stuff up". the phone will inevitably ring, i will run to answer it to keep the kids from hearing and it will be the MOST chipper telemarketer, or my bug man scheduling a drop by! i am thinking, "do you know what time it is? "EARLY- thirty" and i am TRYING TO SPEND TIME WITH THE LORD! by this time. oh, and i almost forgot, moss the dog and all 90 lbs of him, laying next to the couch where i sit will let out a green bomb which forms a halo around my face and no matter where i move, i smell the stench of the world stinkiest toot! I GIVE UP!
isn't that what SATAN wants? i hate even typing his name because he does not deserve the space on my computer. he wants and loves to distract me and watch me being frustrated enough to STOP my quiet time with his ENEMY! the LORD. HE HATES ME! he really does. well, he is NOT INVITED to my quiet time! "in the name of JESUS get the HELL out of my house!" he has to flee.
so, why am i still distracted. because i am imperfect, "fleshy", tired, and my true desire is not to spend time with GOD. there, i said it. it's true. my TRUE desire is to go back to sleep, but the Holy SPIRIT that lives within me, awakened me this morning, with a whining dog, and a heart reminder to take this time to be with MY CREATOR!
what i learned this morning: from the book: ONE THING by Sam Storms pgs. 151-152
We must celebrate how God has made us and find satisfaction in His presence. THE SACRED ROMANCE, they explain (brent curtis and john eldredge's book),
...calls to us every moment of our lives. It whispers to us on the wind, invites us through the laughter of good friends, reaches out to us through the touch of someone we love. We've heard it in our favorite music, sensed it at the birth of our first child, been drawn to it while watching the shimmer of a sunset on the ocean. it is even present in times of great personal suffering-- the illness of a child, the loss of a marriage, the death of a friend. Something calls to us through experiences like these and rouses an inconsolable longing deep within our heart, wakening in us a yearning for intimacy, beauty, and adventure This longing is the most powerful part of any human personality. It fuels our search for meaning, for wholeness, for a sense of being truly alive. however we may describe this deep desire, it is the most important thing about us, our heart of hearts, the passion of our life. And the voice that calls to us in this place is none other than the voice of God.
after reading this passage this morning. and while writing this post (congrats for making it till the end) i realized something.... our greatest "distraction" should BE the LORD. HE should interrupt our thoughts, or comings and goings, our decisions, etc. The voice in the wind, the song in our hearts. THE HOLY SPIRIT resides in those that have accepted Him into their lives, and hearts as the savior of our sinful selves.
dear Lord,
I pray to you this morning that i will not let the distractions and frustrations of life GET me. i will know from where my help comes from. i will look up to the hills and know that you are there. NOT SLUMBERING. you reside so comfortably in my heart and i am so grateful beyond words that you chose me to be yours. Lord, may the words of my mouth be a reflection of my heart today. i love you.
in Jesus' name, AMEN
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