my debit card must have been stolen!

Bert is having a hernia. not really, but if he pushes too hard out of his eyeballs i am afraid he will. when i spoke with him this afternoon he was HOPING that the debit card had been stolen. this would be a more logical reason for all of the charges on the debit card.

just last week he was complaining that the children need to be more "extracurricular". i took this to mean that they need some after school activities like sports, dance.... "whatever," he said, "just SOMETHING! they need to be doing sports and stuff that makes them more 'well-rounded'."
SO, i signed the boys up for soccer. they are on the same team and they both need soccer shoes, black shorts, black socks, and shin guards. i have access to everything BUT the socks and shin guards. so, i purchased those at the sporting goods store. I ASSURE YOU, i looked for all of these at the thrift store to no avail.

I signed Peanut up for "Theatrical Dance Class"! how perfect for our DRAMA QUEEN! and it works well because we are carpooling with another little girl on the street. convenience, Drama, and dance...winning combo! i just neglected to ask how much the class is until i had already committed her to it. and, hey, i am not going to SHORT my child a chance at experience and "extracurricular well-roundedness!"
the dance class requires jazz shoes, a leotard, and dance pants (seems so simple).

Frannie the dog has seemingly developed some form of balding head mangy dog situation and her eyes were all gooped together so i had to take her to the vet to be de-manged, de-gooped, and "expressed" for good measure. she is a member of our family and i am not going to just let her be all nappy and sick! (she is 13)

final tally of day
vet: $60
jazz shoes: $29
leotard: $5 (i scored these at the dance studio in their gently used box! the only deal of the day
dance registration: $30
1st month tuition: $50 expected each month for nine months!
shin guards and socks: $34
Total: $208
For some, this would not seem like a lot. But, when your husband is not expecting this on a rainy monday during a recession. the stress induced grumpiness takes over and it looks like we will be having canned chili for dinner.
i do have wine. APF (already paid for)

twice baked potatoes for dummies

OK these are actually good! since i don't cook and can make these successfully, that says a lot!

ingredients:
Pre-wrapped potatoes however many
I buy "Potat-oh" brand because that is what my grocery store has(they are microwavable and taste great because they are wrapped)
1 pkg of grated Sharp cheddar cheese
1 tub of sour cream
bacon bits (optional)
green onions (optional)

directions:
Bake the potatoes in the microwave as directed on pre-wrapped packaging!
cut the potatoes in the middle BUT leave the wrap on them (this keeps the potatoes together)
scoop as much potato out and put in a bowl
set wrapped skins aside
stir potatoes and sour cream and cheese together to your desired consistency
stuff the potato skins with the mixture
microwave them again until cheese melts!
sprinkle bacon bits and onions over the top
carefully remove the plastic wrap for serving
VOILA!!!!!! twice baked (microwaved) potatoes!

the post that almost was. and why i am removing my poll

even though the results of the poll that i had on this page were overwhelmingly in favor of the writing of the "hem" story. my sweet family that loves me has asked me NOT to write the post. EVEN though i have become a sort of "go to" guru on the subject. i am bowing out and just want my LOYAL "this funky junky" readers (that know me personally) to know that i am available for consultation on this matter! if you do not know me...then consult a trusted doctor AND a friend who has dealt with these.
that is all i have to say, and out of respect for my husband and family the "hem" story will have to wait.

LOVE TO ALL!
KEEP READING MY BLOG!! THANK YOU!!!

beheaded

Crunch got to bring home a toy from school. of course he chose Superman. I warned them, I TRIED to tell them that the head was already wobbly and it might not come back in tact. Do you think they listened to me? NOOOOOOOOOOOO they did not. They sent the poor action figure home with a kid referred to as "Crunch"! The head stayed on for about 10 minutes and was pulled off. It was carried along in one hand as Crunch "flew" the remains around with the ever present "whooshing" sound that little boys are BORN knowing how to do. The head eventually got lost somewhere in the abyss of my minivan which did not seem to upset Crunch at all. He continued flying and "whooshing".
The beheaded Superman even made it to church but the teacher asked if Crunch would kindly put it in his pocket. A little disturbing during "This Lil Light of Mine"?
Come Monday morning Superman made it back to school with this note attached.

NEVER SEND ME HOME WITH THAT KID AGAIN- I FREAKIN' LOST MY HEAD I'M NOT SURE I'LL EVER FIND IT. LOVE, CLARK

boots

feeeeet
i love those lil toes
when do feet become yucky?
i think when they start wearing cowboy boots on them
even stinky feet can have boo boo kisses
mama'll do that any day
feet with eight splinters from the old lake dock
hurts me to pick them out
cuz it hurts my lil baby
mama cries in her throat when her baby hurts
oh little boy please don't grow
out of your cowboy boots!

my dog has separation anxiety

his name is moss. moss the dog. neighborhood nuisance, family pet, best friend to peanut. he was bert's first child. but now, he basically just hangs around. along with my first child, frannie, the dog that looks like some sort of inbred poodle. so, let's take roll: mom, dad, kid, kid, kid, big dog, little dog, hamster. all present! yesssss! the best time of day is around 5:00! i LOVE it! the kids are super grumpy and the dogs somehow know it is time to eat so they bark and bark until they are fed. peanut's job is to feed the dogs. she is always pretty good about remembering and it is hard to forget when they are yelling "feeeeeeeed usssss!"
Moss has always been a little quirky, but his age has made it worse. he has full blown separation anxiety from peanut. this would not be a huge problem if he did not have a fear of HARDWOOD FLOORS~ and we have an entire house of these. so, he stands on one of our few rugs and BARKS until one of us either cheers him on to the next rug OR escorts him there personally. OH. MY GOODNESS. the MIKE'S HARD LEMONADE that i am drinking right now can't take the edge off of this continuous problem!
he HAS to get to peanut and she keeps changing locations and he can't get to her.
she is not as bothered by his barking as i am. so i have to yell, "PEEEEEEENUT, get the DOGGGGGGGG FOR I LOOOOOOOOSE IT!!!!!!!!!!!! i told her last week that i was sending him to live in a glue factory (i am not sure where THAT came from).
i am not going to send him away. i don't think that i will anyway. we tried anti-anxiety meds for him for ONE MONTH. it cost $50.00 and bert nixed it after one month. so, here i am stuck with an anxiety ridden dog. i will have to tell you about "frannie", my little deaf, blind dog that smells like a used Depends Undergarment.

more favorite paintings. (these touched my heart)

TAWANDA!

i love this photo of Peanut because i think of the fearlessness of a child! i wish i had a little of that back! although, i would for sure land on my head, donning a supersonic wedgie, and a mouth full of dirty, grassy water!

Yesterday Peanut brought home her report card. A's and B's! we were so pleasantly surprised because we have been nervous about her reading skills. Both Bert and I had very average grades in school and i can tell you that it is NO FUN to struggle. NO FUN to watch those "naturally" smart people study for 5 minutes and make A's on every test while I had been to a tutor, studied all night and barely squeezed out a C! my parents were always telling me i was building character. I now know they were right. according to their rules, if you were bullied, character is built...if you were left off of a birthday party list, more character...didn't make cheer leading, a freakin PYRAMID of character would arise!! WOW i am so chalk full of character i am BULGING!
i WANT peanut to UNDERSTAND that if she is not invited to every birthday party, it is OK and not the end of the world! i want her to REMEMBER how it feels to be left out and then be aware of not leaving others out. character right? the character that is built will become empathy and love for others. Character is not so easy to build alone. it is like the builder that built his house on sand and it washed away. the builder that built his house upon the rock built the strongest house (click on this post title to read the verses). i want peanut to understand that she is to work hard in school, but, if it becomes as hard as it was for me...we will run that race together and remember the ROCK in which our character is built.

in Christ alone. a painting for a friend

i absolutely love it when i get a commission where the client says, "i LOVE your art and what you do. here is the space i want to hang a painting in. .....go...paint..do your thing". in this instance, my friend Gates asked me to do something over her mantle. i went to her house, looked at light, color and feel. i knew that she loves my angels so of course i wanted to do angels. but the sweetness of her kids was what struck me while at her house. she already has had a portrait of her children done and i knew this was not an option or even a desire. her twin son and daughter were so sweet to CRUNCH as i was having my "consultation" with their mom. i definitely thought to myself.... this needs to be a painting of four angels... mom, dad and twins. So i mentioned the idea to Gates and she said, "go for it".
The painting itself was very easy flowing. because it was "right" for what i was trying to accomplish. Gates did not have anything already in her mind and i did not feel pressure to mimic another artist or idea. i felt her confidence in me!
when i delivered the painting to her today.......JOY!......she was so excited and did not want to change a thing! i love the moment that i get to surprise the client/friend with the final product. we got to talk for a while and she made the statement, "i do not know how you can paint something like that". my answer to her was, "i know that God has given me this gift for a reason, for His glory, and i get just as excited about my paintings as the client does because i can honestly say that I DID NOT DO IT." In Christ Alone i have strength and have been given this gift. it is not miraculous or amazing. it is simply the tool the Lord has given me to engage in conversation about Him. to share my his gifts with others. he has also blessed us as a family with the additional funds that this brings. we are very grateful for this. i did not want to leave that out.
i am able to(because i do make some money doing this)give paintings away also as gifts and with those gifts to others, share with them the gospel or remind them that gifts come from above! Thank you Gates for giving me the opportunity to use God's gift to glorify Him. from there Gates and i were able to bond as sisters in Christ.
Every good and perfect gift is from above. James 1:17

voice from the back seat

Picked Crunch up from school today. i love our Christian pre-school! A voice from the back seat of the van asks, "mom, does God make us happy?". i was so touched by this engagement in conversation by my four year old regarding our LORD! wow, just one day at school and he is asking about God! maybe it is finally sinking in! this might be THE moment that he understands enough to talk about his need for a savior! (must be careful with this answer) "yes, sweetheart! he does make us happy! when he lives in our heart he gives us JOY and all you have to do is ask Him to live in your heart....and.." i continued to talk until i heard my little man pipe up with another question, "mom, are turtles strong?"
it's all about planting seeds right?
i had to laugh really.

4:30

i am sitting at the table somewhat mesmerized by tiredness. a hamster is crawling on my back. i take him off because he just left a pellet on my shoulder. Peanut brings him back over and sets him on my shoulder again. he climbs down my arm.
i am staring at Crunch who has cut up a large sketch pad in his Batman get up and sprinkled the paper all over the floor. i am numb as i listen to the fit that Peanut starts to throw when i tell her that she can do NOTHING until she finishes her homework. Butter plays with a friend on the trampoline. i have forgotten it is Tuesday. this makes me feel better. ooh, Crunch starts school on Wednesday! wait....that is TOMORROW, because today is Tuesday! things are looking UP! it is
4:30 here which means it is 5:30 in Atlanta. which means that i can go ahead with my ONE glass of wine.
i start to stare again when i realize that there is nothing for Crunch's lunchbox tomorrow because i have been thinking that today is Monday. Maybe Bert will stop at the Pig for me. ooh i become more alert. as soon as i finish dinner, baths, checking homework, begging the children to brush their furry little teeth, making lunch for tomorrow, cleaning the mess up from today. i might have time for a little light tv. it will end up being O'reilly and then i'll get all fired up and have to stare at facebook to calm down only to see that someone has made some obnoxious political comment on their status update. so i might read a little of my book (The Help). i make it through a paragraph before i completely go cross-eyed and pass out.
thank you Lord for this day..........

my Barret

my best friend from high school and my connection to the outside world is Barret. she is amazingly talented. we always knew it. of course she was the lead in all of the plays and had a way of stealing the show in every instance. we were the duo. always together. we did not become friends in the conventional way. we actually hated each other.
Barret had the AUDACITY to ask MY boyfriend to one of her sorority dances. he asked me if it would be OK if he went with her. i said, "fine...i guess?" and they WENT!!!!! omgoodeness! what a huss! then she started dating my boyfriend's best friend and we were forced together on double dates. RULE OF LIFE: boyfriends fade but girlfriends ALWAYS survive!
Barret and i were always front and center at every band party. dancing. always dancing. the two blonds in the front? oh, that would be Liz and Barret.
Garth Brooks',"shameless" and REM's,"everybody hurts" will always remind me of her.
She would sing with the house band at the ELEPHANT WALK i think it was "summertime" you know? and the liviiiinnnngggg is EEEEEEAAAASSYYYY".
i always knew that Barret would be something BIG. something different from me.
So off she went to Arizona to college and shortly thereafter to Los Angeles. she studied film making and made great connections. she has had film and tv roles and enjoyed success.
My FAVORITE thing is to see Barret in her own Brier patch...COMEDY! she is HILARIOUS and she stars as "Kate Maxwell" on the popular Internet series "My Two Fans" which has enjoyed a cult following. my personal favorite is her own series that she co-wrote, produced, and starred in, "Dating For DUMBASSES". i laugh at these shows on the internet every time i watch them. THEY are so BARRET!! her fingerprints are all over the place in these.
i love my friend. she is a california girl now. a fish in water. happy? she is so happy. she loves her friends, and her life. she also loves New York City. she THRIVES in NY! she is a voice for conservatives and has become pretty regular on "Red EYE" and "Hannity" (Fox News). Barret is VERY smart....far from a ditsy blond and i think she surprises those stereotypers! strong in her convictions. lover of the Lord. she knows that He has a plan for her life and it had been amazing to watch her grow in the knowledge of that. God WILL and HAS used her in my life and i know the lives of others.
Barret leaves a mark. you don't forget her. ever. if you meet her, she will not forget you either. she loves her family, with a stinging conviction. she prays for them, hopes for them and misses them. They remain in Alabama and she in LA and it will be that way. but, space is not always a bad thing. it draws you nearer, if you allow it to.
I miss Barret. i can click on her web shows to see her and i was able to watch her on "Ten Things I Hate About You" recently so i feel like i just saw her!
Barret is Peanut's godmother. so it is super fun for Bess to brag about her.
I am proud of her. can you tell?
click on the title of this post to see her videos

luke

steps forward
not backwards
logo on the soda
no hot dog bun?
i can handle it maybe later i will
take small steps
are you proud of me?
tell me again how proud you are of me
mama, does your heart have lots of love in it
(not a question)
tell me the story about when i took a step forward
i like your painting
you do? what is it of?
angels
that's right :) Luke
soft muddy pond
provides calmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
a new friend?
daddy's strong and gentle touch
always proud of me
mama's soft bed with her in it
acceptance
keeping distance
drawing nearer
train horns don't scare me
i am over that
frustration it's tooooo hardddd!
steps forward remember?
check that off the list
i'm over it
would you be so proud?

website to learn more about kids like luke
go to "sites i likes"
www.talkaboutcuringautism.org

kate's 1st date with rico

my sister is hilarious (i think i mentioned that as one of her great qualities). she agreed to pose for this picture with rico the hamster. kate is not afraid to give a little guy a chance!

kid sister available for marital bliss

"The Unmarried Sister". this tends to be the way that people (only those that do not really know her) refer to her. my sister, a 6 ft tall blond, blue eyed beauty had to walk down the aisle at our youngest sister's wedding. there are four of us. i am the oldest, my second sister is married with three kids, Kate, and then our BABY sister who is 9 years younger than Kate. The Baby was getting married and there we were standing next to her as "matron", "matron", and....."maid" of honor.
let me explain something. she had no issues walking down the aisle as the only one of the four not married and my baby sister as the bride. this was not the issue. the ISSUE was that she KNEW, being in the south, where everyone thinks they must wed before they are old enough to vote, that people were probably feeling SORRY for her. "OH poor KATE! i hope she can hold up during this. really she is such a DAHLING girl! oh, she'll find someone to marry one day! of course!
Just so you know Kate has had opportunity! she is simply waiting patiently for the right guy to come along! correction, she is VERY busy in her life and does not sit there and WAIT for someone to call her. she has been very content in her life. let me give you a run-down of what Kate does for fun and for a living and as a calling:
she has 2 undergraduate degrees
she has her masters in English as a Second Language
she started a ministry in a Hispanic trailer park where she lead VBS and bible studies
she teaches 4th grade
she taught spanish and is completely fluent in the language
she taught ESL for 7 years
she leads mission trips to the jungle of Peru
she has spent Christmas morning on the floor of an orphanage in Guatemala
she has a popular BLOG (see sites i likes)
she is an artist, selling her work, and doing well!
she plays the guitar
she is very involved in her church and is a leader there
she is the funniest person that i have EVER met!
oh, and she is a homeowner.
So, all that to say, Kate is not lacking in activities. she is very busy and has let God do the leading in her life.
a few months back, a tree fell on her house and she had to rely on Dad and Bert to "take care" of the situation. this is when she decided that she is "TIRED of being single!"

so, now i place this ad:

Single White Gorgeous Female waits for Handsome, God Fearing "reformed" Christian Male who loves to travel, especially to Spanish speaking countries, oh, tall would be nice. likes to laugh a LOT. willing to learn a little Spanish? (not required)
i place this ad without Kate's permission. she might kill me actually.
NEW DEVELOPMENT: Kate has responded to this post in COMMENT form. she wants to clear the air on a couple of things. check it.
NEWEST DEVELOPMENT Girl in the first photo dancing with Kate is also available for marital bliss. She is "waiting" for her prince charming as well but has the same criteria as Kate. her name is Amanda B.

kid portrait

i have been often asked if i do portraits of people. I DO! here is an example!

ROCCO

i just finished this painting of a long hair chihuahua. his name is "ROCCO" and he is very masculine! so masculine that i painted him in a field of flowers. he is a funny little dude. it is amazing how precious animals are to us. this one especially has been a huge comfort to my friend. she lost her husband to cancer not even a year ago. they shared Rocco as their "child". she is moving from her home to live with family in another state, while she prepares to put new roots down. she leaves the home they shared, but takes with her the little animal that they both adored. one day, when the dog is no longer with us, she will have the painting to remind her of little Rocco, and the time that she and her beloved husband spent here. a time when all things seemed right with the world. a new chapter is beginning for my friend, her little dog and a world of possibilities. broken hearts do heal but they never forget. bless you my friend!

butter's latest

Butter wants to change the name of his little thingie from "WEE WEE" to "WIENER". i am NOT OK with this. eeewwwww! apparently there was some discussion at lunch and the boys were talking about their "names" and Butter decided to change his. is this the beginning of locker room talk?

stop and smell the rose

ok. it has GOT to be time for summer to end. one more week until Crunch starts pre-school. three days a week and i will have total freedom until 1:00 mon. wed. fri. i have enjoyed this summer as much as i ever enjoy the dog days of no schedule, no childcare, and extreme HOTNESS. it is time for the maniac to go to school and spread his "maniac-ness" for two unsuspecting teachers to deal with. let me give you an example of what they are up against: we ran into a friend at a neighborhood BB-q joint on our walk today. while i was talking to my friend, Crunch got down on the floor of the restaurant and BIT my friend on the ankle! HE IS FOUR, mind you, not two. i apologised profusely, said goodbye and went next door to the pharmacy. i got some medicine and Crunch STOLE an "airhead". i made him take it back, ask for forgiveness and then he jumped on his trike and rode away. no remorse!!
on our walk together, i found a rose that is so beautiful i had to go home and return with a pair of scissors and cut it. fortunately i know the homeowners and they have moved from the house and these roses are just sitting there waiting to be cut. i am reminded to stop and smell the rose, photograph it and enjoy God's beauty. and of course remember that my precious ankle biting, shoplifting kid was made in His image!

God Bless America! and the thrift store.

I found the greatest thing yesterday at the thrift store! along with a complete magic set for kids, and a child's embroidered t-shirt for butter's best little girlfriend, i saw the most beautiful American Flag! i unfolded it to find out that it is HUGE! 5x8 1/2 feet to be exact. it's not one of those nylon ones that you can get anywhere! this is a flag that someone has sewn each individual star on. i could not resist. IT WAS $3.99! what will i do with this beautiful work of art? Hang it on our gigantic wall that is in our stairwell! i will need a ladder and my husband for help.
total $ spent thrifting......$12.50