Saturday, May 1, 2010

high school is sticky.

by sticky i mean that whatever reputation that you have in high school sticks to you like glue. take for example the cool girl who was never really cool in her mind finds out that she indeed was considered cool and popular by her former classmates. the pretty girl feels that she must maintain prettiness at least through her 40's. the nerd feels like she can't shake her nerdiness so she feels animosity toward the pretty and popular girls. this can stick to you all the way through your thirties for sure.
because i am there.
here is the truth of the matter:
we were all insecure, all posers, all wannabees. every single one of us. we were 16 for heavens sake! what did we know about life? i had only known Jesus for a few years and he had only begun the work in me to relieve my insecurities.

trying to shake or peel off the sticky pre-conceived notions of our past lives is actually harder that you think. i am finding out.
the moment that the former high school mate gets the courage to tell you what she really thought of you in high school. and you can tell just a bit that she still thinks that! after all these years.
just when you think that you tried to be nice to get just a little prick? from a friend. "what? what did that mean? you said i was in the 'popular/cool' crowd? weird cuz I THOUGHT I WAS A DWEEB AND I THOUGHT YOU WERE POPULAR AND SWEET". and there is a southern smile behind the comment that stings as you try once more to peel the sticky sign off of you that must still say "popular, airhead, dance line, c student".
this is the deal, i went to OLE MISS instead of Alabama or Auburn to get away from these preconceived notions and the people that thought them, only to come back after school and have the sticky sign glued right back on to me. here we go again.
i am still insecure...but i know now that my security comes from the Lord.
i do not think that i am cool...because what the heck is THAT when you are 35?
i do not think i am pretty...i won't go anywhere without covering up my blemishes
i do not think i am a good mother...i have to pray everyday that i can live up to my children's expectations
as if i have stuck a new sign on myself.
once again......Jesus died on the cross for all of this. WHY can't i peel the sign off of my body that i stuck on with "crazy" glue? how many signs do i have?
anyone have any glue remover?
hey, i hear "GOO GONE" works!
Lord remove this goo in my life. i am tired of it's stickiness.

1 comment:

  1. So.... this is why you needed to know the name for Goo Gone. ;-) I so relate. Love your honest writing... and loved hanging out this weekend, laughing, being serious, talking about your artwork.