Sunday, February 21, 2010

when you are trying to quit.

there are lots of addictions. think of anything that is not great for you or all out bad for you and then think about how much you enjoy it and then imagine trying to STOP doing it. this spans from alcohol, drugs, sex...(the big ones) to something as small as my thrift store habit. anything that gives you a thrill that you put little too much emphasis in. some seem harmless enough. say you are addicted to your 3 cups of coffee a day. morning, mid morning, and maybe an afternoon cup. my friend is giving up caffeine for help with teeth grinding. it was somewhat hard for a few days and now she feels better and it is worth her three days of headaches. then you have the hoarding type of addictions that seem downright mental and unbelievably sad. this (i will mention) my husband is worried that i might be heading towards. he MUST be kidding. but i will say that i do get a "high" off of the "thrill of the hunt". i found a book that is listed on e-bay for $1,200! who the heck knows if i will get the $700 that i Listed mine for (discounted!). i told him that thrifting is a cheap form of therapy. but, like anything else, it is beginning to not be enough. this is what happens to me when i jump on something and then it kinda runs out of fun for me.
why do we (me included) search for something to fill our "happy" spot. our happy, "void". like putting a .99 cent thrift shaped puzzle piece in a God shaped puzzle space. there are so many "distractions" things that pull us away from HIM. the bible says to do all things for the Glory of God. i don't know if i feel like thrifting is an addiction or a hobby. oh well, not really even worth pondering. my art is NOT an addiction because it does not feel like an unhealthy distraction. it feels like it is "what i am supposed to be doing" with my gift of evangelism. i LOVE to tell people the reason that i do not OWN artistic talent. it is only God-given.
now to my real addiction. the shameful one. the one that my family will be horrified but not surprised that i shared.
i have a skin-picking disorder. anything you can pick, pop or scratch. i do it. i am working SO HARD to beat this problem. it started when i was in high school when i picked the split ends off of the ends of my hair. this progressed to picking and popping facial blemishes, in college. then arms and legs, small hair follicles that would pop. when i developed alopecia areata and had hair loss this began an obsession with my hair. i would "check" my eyebrows to make sur they were not falling out. well, recently, i have actually pulled them out. this disease moves around and can waste your LIFE!!! i am tired of it. i have asked God for healing. i am praying continually for that. i would love for you to pray for me. i am soliciting the help of a psychologist and am excited about the little bit of progress that i have made.
God could have healed me of this "impulse control disorder" a long time ago but i will tell has brought me to my knees and i PRAISE GOD for that. if that is why he has not healed me....then PRAISE GOD. He will continue to use me. and for that i am grateful.
my "addiction", my enemy, but my means for brokenness before the cross and a reminder of His GRACE and redemption. i embrace the battle.

No comments:

Post a Comment