an injured husband

poor bert. i did not even know that he was outside last night! i was so into my "criminal Minds" show that i am addicted too (i know. it's creepy) when bert comes walking in the house in a rain suit. lemme go back....he is obsessed with the house and how it is "fairing" in the rain. when it rains he goes outside to see if the gutters and downspouts are working correctly. i don't get it. it is dangerous and it is also a little obsessive if you ask me (because i am an expert on obsessive behavior). ANYHOOOOOO he comes in and he has freakin' blood coming out of his mouth. this is what happened:
he has this big old flashlight that hooks to the wall to charge and i really think that he would jump in a flood to save this flashlight over lets say...me or one of the kids! ok, so he was outside checking on the downspout and the long pipe type thing that he has connected to it to keep the water from pooling next to the house. he needed both hands so what does he do? he puts the butt of the flashlight in his mouth to hold it while he tries to pull a stick out of the ground that was "touching" his pipe. his hand slipped and he hit the flashlight and it jammed into his mouth!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so, he was shivering in shock, spitting blood and laying on the carpet in our den. i made him swish and spit so i could see where the blood was coming from. he had a cut in the soft pallet Right in front of his tonsil and that was all i could see. but, he kept saying his tongue hurt. he lifted his tongue up and THEN WE SAW the source of the pain. that little connector under his toungue was a bloody mess. we also think it is bruised. poor bert. i had him all wrapped up and a space heater on him to warm him up. a little hydrocodone syrup and a lidocaine mouth swish that i had from the time that i bit the STINK out of my lip.
he is fine but sore. can't talk very well because he has a swollen tongue. what next in this family?
MORAL OF STORY?
DO NOT put a flashlight in your mouth! i know you have! hey i think i just thought of a gift for bert...a head lamp!!!!