Monday was a hard day. We had to let our 15 year old lab go. I came home feeling devastated, unsure, nervous and confused. Nothing I did made me feel better. I mean, I wasn't going to go to the grocery and buy dinner when I had just had my dog put down. I couldn't just carry on with normalcy like cleaning the house, calling a friend, or even working on my commission. I sat in the studio and prayed for peace and comfort and just something to file my emotions into. I found myself staring at the paint that I had squirted out for my commissioned painting. I walked over to another painting that was leaning against the wall. I hadn't been satisfied with where that painting was going so I grabbed a brush and started painting patterns and shapes and blocks of color all over it. It felt so good! I immersed myself into the pigments and strokes, not really caring if anyone would like it or want to buy it or not. I'm not even sure if it is finished, but it makes me feel so happy. This is a mixed up world. Nothing makes total sense to me BUT HIM. He has the full design. He is the artist. No matter what kind if control I think I have.
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