yesterday, while the girls were practicing for their thriller dance, i thought i had a pretty good tip. "girls," i said, "when you JUMP on this part you have to JUMP high and make it look scary!" so i showed them like three or four times. with bess quietly protesting, "mom, stop, that looks weird. really, stop." then i looked over at her and she mouthed the words to me, "you can see your bald spot." i was SO EMBARRASSED and i realized that i had embarrassed HER. my little girl, while trying to protect me, was also embarrassed of me. it was a heartbreaking moment and i just wanted to disappear.
i felt so sad about what happened yesterday this morning and the fact that my hair does not seem to be re-growing. so i just protested to God "why Lord, do i have this problem?" then i said the dumbest thing "i promise i will be good and spend more time with you if you do this for me." i knew when i said it, how dumb it was to say. God does not work that way and i know it. i was reminded by bert later on the phone that i have to praise the Lord even in times like these. HE KNOWS ME. HE LOVES ME. HE IS IN CONTROL. "the lamp of the Lord searches the spirit of a man; it searches out his inmost being." prov. 20:27
i know that the Lord cares about my pain and feels it with me. there will be glory for Him in this. i will glorify the Lord EVEN if i do not like what is happening.
"but I call to God, and the Lord saves me. evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice." psalm 55:16-17
PRAISE BE TO GOD!
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