Satan, Kiss My __

LONG POST ALERT:

I am the crazy lady that people probably go home from work and tell their spouse, "Let me just TELL YOU about what that crazy lady did today!" Here is the long story, longer:

So, yesterday was the day that I had the opportunity to FINALLY ship the painting that I did for Newtown, CT. (More on that later, I promise). This painting has hit more obstacles than one can fathom. Nevertheless, yesterday afternoon it was packaged and ready to go! The sky was turning really dark and I thought I'd better run to UPS before one of those summer rains gets me and my precious package all wet. So I pull into the UPS (Publix Green Springs) store parking lot and the torrential downpour begins. Not just that, but debris is flying and trees are swaying and the lightening was "screen saver" material. So I sat, waiting it out. My phone rings and my sweet boys are calling me, "Mom?? Are you OK? We got scared so we came down to the basement." (Mom of the year here) "Ok Buddy, I'm gonna wait until the storm passes, going to run in and drop this package and then I'll be home." 

So I wait about 20 minutes or so and it is still pouring and lightening and I'm like, DANGET, I am shipping this painting TODAY! 

Armed with the UPS number that Jeff Tenner from Soca gave me (his donation to my project, thank you Jeff!) I climb into the back, open my trunk, slide out with the package and run through the river (hoping not to get electrocuted) and into the UPS Store! Woot! I made it! It's about to happen, two and a half years later, the painting has a destination!  I'm soaking wet and holding the package, I go up to the desk to the familiar face behind the counter (by the way, if I've met someone more than once I feel like we are old friends). "HEY! Ok, I'm shipping this painting to Newtown, Connecticut and I have a UPS number that my friend gave me to use and...." 

"Oh, umm..." he says, "We actually can't look up numbers here.." Then he goes on to tell me that because they are a separate franchise from UPS themselves, that if I was going to use an account number I would need to have Jeff's login info and print out a label. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING. The painting needed to be shipped ASAP in order to get it to Newtown in time for my friend who is delivering it to get there (story on a later post, I promise!). Meanwhile my boys are calling me from home, because I've been gone an hour as apposed to the twenty minutes that I told them I would be gone. 

So, here comes the crazy lady part: I looked at him and said, "Satan does NOT want this painting to go to Newtown! He is trying to stop it any way he can! HEAR ME SATAN! You can't stop this painting from being shipped! Satan, YOU can go to HELL!" Then I was like, "well you love hell! So YOU CAN JUST GO....SOMEWHERE ELSE!" 

The place was quiet. My BFF behind the counter was looking at me bewildered, then I said, "OH NO! I wasn't talking to you! YOUR not Satan!" 😅 

Then the poor guy looks at me and says, "You know the UPS hub is about 2 miles down the road and they will take a shipping number no problem."   

....crickets.....

"Ok, I'll just do that then."

So the boys stayed in the basement about 40 more minutes while I weaved through 5:00 Friday afternoon Green Springs/Oxmoor Rd. traffic. Made it to UPS and (you guessed it) SHIPPED                The painting! Satan, you can kiss my ass. Ya HEAR ME?

Painting heading to Newtown! 👏🏻

(And I need a new UPS Store)

Mixed Up

Monday was a hard day. We had to let our 15 year old lab go. I came home feeling devastated, unsure, nervous and confused. Nothing I did made me feel better.  I mean, I wasn't going to go to the grocery and buy dinner when I had just had my dog put down. I couldn't just carry on with normalcy like cleaning the house, calling a friend, or even working on my commission. I sat in the studio and prayed for peace and comfort and just something to file my emotions into.  I found myself staring at the paint that I had squirted out for my commissioned painting. I walked over to another painting that was leaning against the wall. I hadn't been satisfied with where that painting was going so I grabbed a brush and started painting patterns and shapes and blocks of color all over it. It felt so good! I immersed myself into the pigments and strokes, not really caring if anyone would like it or want to buy it or not. I'm not even sure if it is finished, but it makes me feel so happy. This is a mixed up world. Nothing makes total sense to me BUT HIM.  He has the full design. He is the artist. No matter what kind if control I think I have.  

In whose hand is the life of every living thing, And the breath of all mankind? - Job 12:10

How to Patch Bald Spots 101

I posted this video on Facebook yesterday and for the LOVE OF PETE...over TWO THOUSAND people have viewed it!  Really? Yes. I am as surprised as you probably are. There is a phenomenon that is shameless vulnerability.  This can only come from The Father because I am not vulnerable and brave about everything. Most of my willingness to SHARE the yuk things about myself is my need for approval and reassurance. I share that I left my baby sitting in the bathtub and answered the phone and briefly forgot about her.  YOU (are supposed to) respond with some awful thing that you did when your kids were young THEN I feel better about my mistakes and reassured that I am indeed a good mother. 

So I had been meaning to make a video showing how I cover my bald spots. I shot it yesterday morning in one take. I wondered for a minute if anyone would watch 6 minutes of me rattling on and on. Then I posted it. So, I put it on my blog so that my family that isn't on Facebook and others that might google "how to cover bald spots" etc. can watch it. 

Here ya go!

https://youtu.be/OVxx-PVsD3g

First Impressions

A young man rang my doorbell yesterday around noon. Rebel was going INSANE and I answered the door (because it is so RUDE to not answer the door. It might seem like I was profiling him to not answer, even if I think that the he could push me back inside my home and attack or kill me.) Anyway, he started his speech about how this is a sales contest bla bla bla... I interrupted him and apologetically told him not to waste his time on lil' ole me, because I am broke at the moment and....he interrupts me to say that if I don't buy something from him than other people from the contest are just gonna keep on ringing my doorbell. I nicely told him that he could come back next month... By then he had turned his back and he said, "NO..I WON'T...because THIS is a FIRST IMPRESSIONS contest!"

Besides the fact that I became upset bc he was "mad at me," I then was upset because he made me feel bad because he might be mad at me. Then I was MAD because he had the audacity to come onto MY porch, ring MY doorbell and be so RUDE. Then I couldn't believe how dumb it is for me to worry about being rude or hurting someone's feelings by not opening the door or by not buying what they are selling!  What in the crank nuggets is WRONG with me?  He could have attacked me SO EASILY. Nobody would have known bc nobody saw him at my door. REBEL was the only appropriate member of the scenario because he never stopped barking.  Just because the dude has a laminated index card with customer names on it DOES NOT make him legit. Wake up, Liz!

Ps. Dude needs to get someone to explain to him what an actual "first impression" is. 

PPS. It is very hard to find the line between loving others and being downright stupid.

Finishing and Starting Christmas

The last few days have been dreary and depressing. Rain has seemed to flow like tears from a grieving sky. I haven't been able to help but think of sad circumstances affecting people that I know right now. Last night, the fire orange sunset seemed to give hope to the dreariness. This morning, God showed His sweetness with the clear sky and then the sunlight. I went on a walk after gifts had been opened and and It seemed to rejuvinate my soul!  A fresh air inhale gave way to hope and an exhale of stress seemed to fall back behind me as I walked. I realized that this was the first time in a month that I have been stress free. It is sad that I have done this to Christmas once again.  I have let stress and clutter dictate my demeanor and outlook.  Why? To keep things "even" on Christmas morning for the kids? To get it all done? To hurry up and finish Christmas so I can enjoy Christmas?  LORD, help my unbelief!  I STILL don't get it. It seems like I never will grasp this "grace" thing. How can I ever accept this free gift of grace if I don't even show myself enough grace to be ok with needing it?

Next year my plan will be to not let "Christmas" get in the way of Christmas. Maybe by then I can figure out how to be perfect. Or I can realize my imperfection from the beginning, show myself grace, and pray for the One True God to GRACIOUSLY show me the way. 

Merry Christmas to you!

(And to me also)

God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

2 Cor. 5:21

Tweezers!

I would normally make this a Facebook post but I'm going to try just blogging it instead. 

I love celery! It is weird that I love it so much, but put me in a room full of food and I tend to grab for the celery because I LIKE IT!  Not because I'm "watching my weight". (People always watch what I'm eating which makes for another post altogether). Anywayyyyy:

We have celery in the fridge and I chomped on a few pieces yeaterday and I got one of those string things caught in between my WISDOM tooth and molar. I had been doing that crooked suck face all day trying to dislodge it.  Like this:

Nothin....My tongue started to wear and tear from jamming it in between my teeth so much. I tried using a combo of my thumb nail and my tongue. Then I jabbed the roof of my mouth with my nail so I was bleeding. I was in despair and utter frustration when a tiny lightbulb popped up: TWEEZERS!! I remembered using tweezers before to get something out of my teeth! Because they can grap the tiniest end of a particle and pull!  I looked at my 13 year old and said, "Where are the tweezers?" Welp, she knew right where they were in the boys bathroom on the sink (because that is the obvious place? NO, nothing is EVER in it's place which drives My husband insano). I ran and grabbed them...All the while, Peanut is watching me with this weird expression. She KNEW I had been trying to dislodge a celery string. It was like she was putting two and two together as to what I was going to do...about 10 seconds too late: 

 I put those tweezers in my mouth and pulled out a ginormous string! It was like a half inch long. I was holding it up in the light for her to see. I was proud of my trophy and wondered why it took me so long to use my trusty tweezers! "Look at that puppy! MAN! No WONDER it's been driving me crazy. I'm free!" I said. 

My daughter, God love her soul, says to me, "Mom, I hate to tell you this but I got POOP OFF OF THE BOTTOM OF MY SHOE, with those tweezers today. At least I THINK it was poop..." Then she put her hand out, like this would make me feel better, "it could have been something else though. It was really crusty." 

I have no words after she said that. Just silence.  

Moral of the story: put things where they are supposed to go and nobody will use your tweezers to flick poo out of their shoe. 

Thrift Store Fight

I had the golden ticket. I pulled the bottom half of the yellow $24.99 ticket on this totally quirky "mid-century" chair.  The thought crossed my mind that I ought to go tell the ladies up front that I had a ticket to a green chair in the back. But..I kept on shopping. Looking at everything!  I drive my own self crazy because it's like the "slots". As soon as I get up from this machine the next person that sits down is gonna hit jackpot! If I don't look through every rack then the next rack is gonna have that vintage Pucci top. 

The point is...I held on to the golden ticket for too long because this dude came in and picked the chair up and walked it to the front. He tried to buy it. But my girl up there knew that it was not "thrift store procedure" to sell something without a ticket. She told him the chair didn't have a ticket. At this point, the dude tried to buy it with cash in her face. He knew...ohhhhh he knew that this was a good chair and he had to get it before they called for the yellow ticket on the intercom. 

My girl came up and asked me, "you got a yellow ticket on a green chair?" 

I said that I did and I pulled the ticket out and jokingly told her, in a British accent, "I've got the golden ticket, Willy Wonka!" 

Well, this is when I realized I was being watched by one pissed off antique dealer (I knew he had to be bc he wanted this chair a little too much. Which made me want it even MORE!).  He went into a frenzy, saying that I should have to buy the chair right when I see it. He demanded to talk to the manager. 

Have I told y'all I have a temper?

I tried to hold back, but I failed. "HERE's MY $24 for the chair. Here it is!" Then this is when it got ugly... He gave me the evil eye and I looked right at him and said, "You win some, you lose some!" How mean (but true!) I was. I feel a little bad. We bickered back and forth a couple more times and he left in a stink. Then he called and talked to the manager over the phone. All while I was standing there. They had a rule and they stuck to it. This time it went in my favor.  I might be on the other side one day soon. Such is the life of a Junky. 

The chair is divine!

I've been locked out.

I've been locked out of my blog. Well, the door was there and I had a key, but the key had a password that I couldn't remember. When I would fiddle with it to try to create a new password, bla bla bla my DANG (I mean damn actually) old as crank, computer would lock up, sending me into a frustration frenzy and I would quit. I need a new computer badly so if you see Bert, please put in a good word. 

Anywayyy

Peanut is 13, Butter is 11, and Crunch is 9!

I will give you a little update in pics because I don't want this to sound like a Christmas letter and I really want to start posting rants again and I have been dreading this "update" post! 

CRANK NUGGETS! I am 40! I like this photo bc my wrinkly smile isn't showing

My beautiful girl. Soccer, show choir, and socializing r her!

Butter is the most driven little athlete. And the hair! Really? 

Crunch(9) is still crunchy. Hilarious. He loves sports! Who knew?

I found a less wrinkly pic of me...and Bert looks pretty dang cute, right?

This is all the updating y'all need right? The rest I will fit in future posts! I'm excited to get back into blogging. 

This here Funky Junky needs it!

Whether y'all read or not. I get to vent and tell my stories, and all of Facebook doesn't see it unless they try to. It feels a little bit more private?? Haha I just said private! I've never been private. Maybe I'm changing because I am 40. Did I mention that?

This is me being shy and private. 

I didn't know this kid, but hellooooo, he had on a shark costume! FINS UP, baby!

the kids have changed! so has the "house"

peanut, butter and crunch have GROWN and changed a good bit!  Peanut is definitely "teenagery".  butter is still REALLY into soccer, but also has been into watching and learning the game of football.  he LOVES TIM TEBOW, and now practices throwing and kicking the football with his left hand because "tim tebow is a lefty"!  crunch, well, he is learning to read and it is fun to watch him grow and make new friends.  he is developing an interest in sports, SO, for the THIRD time, i signed him up for soccer.  this time, i pray he does something other than stand there and pick his nose.  the past two times we had him in soccer, we quit taking him because he was just rolling all over the field (literally), while the coach was trying to "coach".  the ADHD meds wear off at 2pm so there is NO controlling him after that.  we hope that this go round will be different because he actually wants to play!  i will keep yall updated on that!

peanut, almost 11!

butter, 8 yrs.

crunch, (mug shot) 6 yrs.

things are all together going well with our family.  times are hard, because raising kids is hard.  BUT, God gave them to bert and me.  we are enjoying the "fun" aspects of the kids!  i have had to do some "restructuring" of the "house rules".  well, in actuality, we now HAVE "house rules" and we are sticking to them!  the kids do not know what hit them, but our house is running smoother, and happier!  it is true what they say about people needing boundaries or they wander around like lost sheep.  clarification:  we did have rules.  they were just never written down for the kids to see, and we were not CONSISTENT with them. 

we have cut out all of those "teen" shows and cartoons.  you know the ones.  they really are not healthy for the kids.  i was pretty blind to this for a long time UNTIL i realized that the kids (namely peanut) were mimicking the terrible attitudes of a lot of these characters on the shows.  i have noticed that peanut is no longer "rolling her eyes" at me.  AND, her attitude and happiness at home is much better.  SHE LIKES THE RULES!  crazy!  i know!  we allow 1 hour of tv a night.  we end up watching more "discovery" type shows.  those can be a little hairy at times, so i make sure to watch with them.  i am going to have a talk with the producers of IDOL because of steven tyler's language!  it has to stop!  it is one of the only shows that we watch as a family.  he (and i DO love him) is ruining our "family" show!  

all in all, things are going well here in the "ham"!

off to paint!

I painted a "woody" jeep!

long lost junky posting art on blog (story at ten)

new owl

painted on wood panel "canvas"

the champs!

peanut's team played in a tournament in auburn this weekend. it was a blast. they won the tournament! here are some fun pictures.

warming up to play the other homewood team in the semi-finals

both homewood teams! semi-finalists!

coach jeff with the trophies

the champs!

peanut and butter!

two new owls

i have been in the studio a little bit this week. i painted these two owls and could not wait to show you.

decor change

i found this coffee table at goodwill and have used it for a while. although, i despise the color. so, after my sister, the decorator, told me i had to get rid of it...i got rid of it. i am putting it outside with a "free" sign on it.

here is what the room looks like now. also with a new rug!

chair on the left needs to be scooted in.

a sad story

we have had a dwarf hamster named "rico" for almost three years and peanut has been his caretaker. she has LOVED the hamster. he has been everywhere with us and has been a tiny little family member. a couple of weeks ago, rico lost the use of his back legs. he would spin around on his back trying to get up. peanut would have to hold rico and the water bottle and "feed" him water because he could not get on his back legs to drink. pitiful, sad, and hard to watch. so, yesterday i decided enough is enough. i called the vet and they told me that they would put the little guy to sleep for me. when they saw rico, they had nothing but pity in their eyes. little rico was just laying on his back. so, they put him to sleep. terrible story, i know, but this is our life! peanut was devastated when she got home from school and i told her. then she did her homework and did not cry anymore. i guess little hamsters are hard to lose but nothing like a dog or cat. aren't you uplifted?

my LAST "GROVE" PAINTING EVER

i have been working on this painting of "the grove" at ole miss for three weeks. every little detail took thought. what should they have on? should they be holding a cup? a plate of food? a hand of another? these are all the thoughts that i had to think the entire time of painting this 24x30 monster. i love the end result and i think that the customer will be happy with it. i, although am never doing one again. it is too stressful and detailed. so therefore, this is my last grove painting ever. what do you think of it??

coach sean

this coach of peanut's is amazing. we knew we were getting a great coach for the new travel team but he is a PEACH!! he is from Scotland which makes him a dream to listen to. he is hysterical! peanut comes home from soccer in a great mood because they laugh so much during practice. i am looking forward to updating you on quotes from Sean. the soccer whisperer!

"stop the soccer ball with your butt if you have to"

crunch is in kindergarten!

the kids started school yesterday. it was crazy to see my baby crunch go to kindergarten. after i dropped him off in his classroom, i was off to the "sip n sob" party at the school. this is designed for parents to come and "sob" over their babies going to school. well, i did not sob at all. even when they read "the kissing hand" to us. i just sat there, about to jump out of my seat and yell, "i did it! i made it! my last one is in school! freedom for me until three each day!" of course i did not say that, but i was thinking it. man, the house is quiet. time to paint, go thrift store shopping, have lunch with a friend, and maybe take in a movie (haven't seen "the help" yet).
here are some pics from the GLORIOUS morning!
disclaimer: i love my kids dearly. i just need some down time after 10 years.

butter woke me up at 6:20 with his backpack on. he was "ready"!

ready to walk

walking to school!

the famous "picture by the sign"

crunch's best friend. amazingly out of 9 kindergarten classes, they got in the same class!

we LOVE our teacher!

this is going to be interesting!

beaver creek! this summer. a few pics.

a few pictures from our time this summer in beaver creek, co.

my beautiful three at the RODEO!

peanut

ride em cowboy!!

AWESOME!

among the aspens!

good times.